What’s love got to do with it? Self love is the ability to love selflessly. Love the good and bad parts of our God given DNA. It also means loving others the way we would want to be loved. Not sexually or emotionally, but wholeheartedly. Sacrificial love is not based on a feeling, but a determined act of the will, a joyful resolve to put the welfare of others above our own. But this type of love does not come naturally to humans. No one can make us feel happy about ourselves. We have to create the space to do this on our own. The one thing that is clear is based on many recent incidents happening around the Country, is that Agape Love is absent. Do we even know what it means and how to change our mindset so that it’s in the forefront of everything we do?
I struggled in my mind because I was always concerned about what other people thought of me. Was I feminine enough, did I look attractive, was my nose too big, was I tall enough, etc… I experienced feeling ashamed of the agenda God gave me and tried to re-create my own agenda. I also had what I called an explosive reactive attitude. If you messed with me, I’ll get you back! That didn’t work! I have consistently worked on these issues over the years. Confusion persisted! It wasn’t until I took the time to understand Agape Love did I settle down. Of course I dealt with hard core lessons learned and embrassing situations that led me to change. I continue to work on accepting me and life as it comes. Love is more powerful than hate. Making a difference in spite of tragedy takes a strong mindset. It also requires Agape Love.
The NFL has implemented stringent guidelines for players who commit domestic violence against women.
The recent video of the aftermath of an altercation between Ray Rice and his then, girlfriend (now wife), Janay Palmer, went viral on various media outlets. It also prompted NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to re-evaluate his organizations rules for punishing this type of behavior. I am not sure if you have seen the video, but here is a synopsis: The elevator doors open and he drops her. She falls to her knees, and then to the floor, but her feet prevent the doors from closing. The man is holding the woman’s purse as he tries to move her unconscious body out of the way using his feet, but she won’t budge. His struggle to lift and move her body from the floor does not appear that he’s helping her, but is as if he is exhausted from lifting a heavy pile of trash. He tries picking her up again, but unconscious bodies can be heavy, even for a 5-foot-8 208-pound running back in the NFL. The video ends.
This scenario saddens me. I am certain that this was not the first incident during their relationship. Many women and men want to keep this sort of thing a secret because it is embarrassing and of course it wasn’t meant to happen, but things got out of control. What concerns me is that this happened when Janay Palmer was Ray Rice’s girlfriend and now she is his wife. I am certain that they love each other and that they have worked through this ordeal. My message to this couple is that love is not suppose to be painful, violent or inflict pain in this manner. I understand the shame of experiencing violence. Missing the cautionary signs that something is wrong is not something to be proud of, but if you have a second chance, please recognize the signs and take action. I pray that this never happens again and that the topic of domestic violence is discussed more openly. Avoid #livingintheblack.
I am also sharing my story of #livingintheblack. Our choices are abundant. We just need to use our inner strength to make the right choices. Click here to learn more.
The choices we make can influence our professional and personal lives. My new book, Living in the Black is an analytical journey of the power or opportunity of choosing. Written in collaboration with Alyssa Curry, marketing director at Seraph Books, we hope to give you guidance on taking control of your life and not letting life control you. God decides when your journey is over. No matter what happens in life, as long as you are breathing, you can control your destiny. Please click here for your copy.
Male bashing is not my intent. A male should not put his hands on a female in an aggressive manner. If a male wants to control something, it should be his behavior. I understand that these incidents are not planned or anticipated. No one wakes up in the morning and says, “Today is a great day to commit domestic violence.” These things happen at the spur of the moment and those involved are usually in shock or disbelief when it occurs. The reason we don’t talk about is because it’s shameful to all those involved. Physical assault is also against the law when charges are pressed or when they are not. Hiding domestic violence might make sense at the time it occurs, but what you are in fact doing is allowing the cycle to continue.
1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence towards them. Gabrielle’s story is surprising but typical. She is a beautiful young aspiring model who was kicked out of a moving car after being beaten by her boyfriend. Click here to read about her story.
SUBMIT is a six letter word that paralyzes women because of lack of understanding. SUBMIT means being selfless and letting him lead. It took serious reflection before I understood this. Fit into your husbands plans. This doesn’t mean giving up your independence or becoming a robot. It doesn’t mean accepting abuse and being put in your place. SUBMIT means that you share and wait. Six letters have never been more important, during this time of faltering relationships. SUMBIT. It is critical to the trust and direction of your relationship.
Bubble Bath and a Back Rub…My favorite brand is Juniper, Orange and Methol Stress & Tension Village Naturals foaming bath oil. I use as much as possible so the whirlpool tub overflows with bubbles. The aroma excites me! I test the water before getting in. When I point my big toe in the water and slowly push my foot down to test-touch the steaming hot water, I feel the heat, but pull back. If the water temperature doesn’t feel comfortable and encourage me to submerge without hesitation, I adjust the hot and cold as needed. The rest is about his hands. They have to be strong, smooth and without calluses. The best part is my selflessness and trust in his hands. A good back rub involves good hands, but most importantly enough intensity to increase the blood circulation in the back. This results in less stiffness and more relaxation. The hands determine the pressure, the glide, the warmth and comfort! I love back rubs, don’t you? I often think I need to slow down and relax. A bubble bath and a back rub is the ultimate way to renew! Relaxation is like any other muscle. The more you train it, the more you get!
The US has approximately 5% of the total world population, but owns 42% of the worlds fire arms. The homicide rate by firearms is higher in the US than in countries like Canada, England, France, Australia and Japan. In some cases it’s 200% higher. They say firearms are more tightly controlled in these countries, but not in the US. Why don’t we control it? Are we so pre-occupied with the second amendment that we can’t see when a change can save us? During the 18th century our US delegates recognized that, the way the constitution was originally written, it wouldn’t protect us from foreign aggression or from disintegration, so they redrafted it. The 14th amendment was re-provisioned after the Civil War because it was recognized that Black codes that reinforced the oppression of African Americans was not right. So, with all of the senseless gun violence that has taken place over the past 20 years, why have gun laws remained the same, while our country has increased homicide rates and senseless killings? As human beings, where does the need to have multiple fires arms come from? What drives this need? Is it just because we can, or is there a valid reason? When I look around and observe how we treat each other, I just want to pray. We are all beautiful people and our natural chemistry forces us to be together because it’s our human nature. Choose love, respect, honesty, communication and acknowledgment; not violence.
Computer Love: Are We Losing Our Ability To Meet and Greet with Compassion? We are more connected, then ever to each other. With the boom of social media, we can text, tweet, Facebook, email and send posts and Instagram’s and more. If this is so, why do so many ‘singles’ say it is hard to meet good people? Society moves very fast and communication needs to be instant. I find myself texting more than picking up the phone and calling someone. I am on the road everyday and travel do to the nature of my job. When I am at the airport waiting for a flight, I look around and notice that everyone is looking down at their ipad, smartphone or Droid. Some hold and type with two hands and others with only one hand. It is truly a sight. Once I settle in a seat near the gate to wait for boarding, there is no eye contact or talking. Just tapping. I remember when I would sit in an airport or an airport restaurant and people would a ask about flight information or ask for directions to a gate. That information is downloaded via apps now. There is no replacement for face-to-face interaction. When you observe someone’s body language, you can feel their presence and see how they respond to what you are saying. When you talk on phone with someone, it is a pleasure to hear their voice. And, you have the opportunity to talk for hours, if your conversation is enjoyable. Tweeting and texting and clicking ‘like’ on Facebook has many advantages, but it is nothing like greeting someone, eye to eye or helping someone find their way because you were there right when they needed you to explain a thought or to give directions. Let’s not lose our ability to meet and greet! Compassion and touching is what draws people to each other. This is human nature! Reach out and touch someone today!
Topics covered in this blog include stories, articles and thoughts about our connection with each other. You will read uplifting material on love as well as difficult articles on domestic abuse. I will also explore my thoughts on why I think divorce is so prevalent and acceptable. Lastly, you will also read my thoughts on solutions to improving our connection with God’s most beautiful creation… you and me!
A Platform to Discuss how we Connect with each other.