The consequences of #livingintheblack

The NFL has implemented stringent guidelines for players who commit domestic violence against women.

The recent video of the aftermath of an altercation between Ray Rice and his then, girlfriend (now wife), Janay Palmer, went viral on various media outlets. It also prompted NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to re-evaluate his organizations rules for punishing this type of behavior. I am not sure if you have seen the video, but here is a synopsis: The elevator doors open and he drops her. She falls to her knees, and then to the floor, but her feet prevent the doors from closing. The man is holding the woman’s purse as he tries to move her unconscious body out of the way using his feet, but she won’t budge. His struggle to lift and move her body from the floor does not appear that he’s helping her, but is as if he is exhausted from lifting a heavy pile of trash. He tries picking her up again, but unconscious bodies can be heavy, even for a 5-foot-8 208-pound running back in the NFL. The video ends.

This scenario saddens me. I am certain that this was not the first incident during their relationship. Many women and men want to keep this sort of thing a secret because it is embarrassing and of course it wasn’t meant to happen, but things got out of control. What concerns me is that this happened when Janay Palmer was Ray Rice’s girlfriend and now she is his wife. I am certain that they love each other and that they have worked through this ordeal. My message to this couple is that love is not suppose to be painful, violent or inflict pain in this manner. I understand the shame of experiencing violence. Missing the cautionary signs that something is wrong is not something to be proud of, but if you have a second chance, please recognize the signs and take action. I pray that this never happens again and that the topic of domestic violence is discussed more openly. Avoid #livingintheblack.

I am also sharing my story of #livingintheblack. Our choices are abundant. We just need to use our inner strength to make the right choices. Click here to learn more.

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Making a difference is exciting! You can too…

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This story is making a difference and is touching the hearts and lives of many! Living In The Black will lead you to make better choices and prevent the devastation of spiraling downward. Read more and be inspired!! This collaboration with Best Selling Author, Alyssa Curry @Seraph_books was a match made in book heaven. Let me know what you think! Thank you!

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Yes, Maybe, No

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The choices we make can influence our professional and personal lives. My new book, Living in the Black is an analytical journey of the power or opportunity of choosing. Written in collaboration with Alyssa Curry, marketing director at Seraph Books, we hope to give you guidance on taking control of your life and not letting life control you. God decides when your journey is over. No matter what happens in life, as long as you are breathing, you can control your destiny. Please click here for your copy.

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If you are still not talking about it…here is why it matters

Male bashing is not my intent. A male should not put his hands on a female in an aggressive manner. If a male wants to control something, it should be his behavior. I understand that these incidents are not planned or anticipated. No one wakes up in the morning and says, “Today is a great day to commit domestic violence.” These things happen at the spur of the moment and those involved are usually in shock or disbelief when it occurs. The reason we don’t talk about is because it’s shameful to all those involved. Physical assault is also against the law when charges are pressed or when they are not. Hiding domestic violence might make sense at the time it occurs, but what you are in fact doing is allowing the cycle to continue.

 

1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence towards them. Gabrielle’s story is surprising but typical. She is a beautiful young aspiring model who was kicked out of a moving car after being beaten by her boyfriend. Click here to read about her story.

 

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Let’s Talk About It…

The image of the 21st century female should be confident, loving, beautiful and successful. When you look around the world, despite progress, better laws, education and income, up to 70% of women experience violence in their lifetime. Global surveys indicate that about half of women who die from homicide are killed by their current or former husbands or partners. There is a solution. It starts by talking about why this is.

 

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SUBMIT

SUBMIT is a six letter word that paralyzes women because of lack of understanding. SUBMIT means being selfless and letting him lead. It took serious reflection before I understood this. Fit into your husbands plans. This doesn’t mean giving up your independence or becoming a robot. It doesn’t mean accepting abuse and being put in your place. SUBMIT means that you share and wait. Six letters have never been more important, during this time of faltering relationships. SUMBIT. It is critical to the trust and direction of your relationship.

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You have value…Trust IT!

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When our value is at risk, it is akin to being deprived of oxygen. Have you ever felt like your efforts were not appreciated? This is the perfect time to hold your head up and trust your integrity. Worrying about why someone else doesn’t know your value will only zap your energy! Defending your value will depleted it more.  If you have done your best and given your all, that effort will be recognized at some point. It may be indirectly related to the current situation. It may surface in a form that you don’t expect. Always trust your integrity and believe in you! Always now that you have value! Don’t let anyone steal your sunshine!

Bubble Bath and a Back Rub…

Bubble Bath and a Back Rub…My favorite brand is Juniper, Orange and Methol Stress & Tension Village Naturals foaming bath oil. I use as much as possible so the whirlpool tub overflows with bubbles. The aroma excites me! I test the water before getting in. When I point my big toe in the water and slowly push my foot down to test-touch the steaming hot water, I feel the heat, but pull back. If the water temperature doesn’t feel comfortable and encourage me to submerge without hesitation, I adjust the hot and cold as needed. The rest is about his hands. They have to be strong, smooth and without calluses. The best part is my selflessness and trust in his hands. A good back rub involves good hands, but most importantly enough intensity to increase the blood circulation in the back. This results in less stiffness and more relaxation. The hands determine the pressure, the glide, the warmth and comfort! I love back rubs, don’t you? I often think I need to slow down and relax. A bubble bath and a back rub is the ultimate way to renew! Relaxation is like any other muscle. The more you train it, the more you get!

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A Mother’s Love deserves, “I Love you”…

ImageI Love my mom! I grew up in a middle class family with both parents. My dad passed away at an early age, he was only 37 years old. He was diagnosed with Cancer. After his death, my mom immediately took control of the household and raised my sister, brother and I. I had a carefree childhood and went to a private high school and College.

It never occurred to me that as a child and teenager, I never said, “I love you” to my Mom. I watched her do everything from attend all of my sporting and band concert events to planting greens in the garden. I was busy being a kid and a teenager! It wasn’t until I became an adult, did I began saying the words,”I love you” to my mom. Maybe it was because I understood the heart felt value of these words after my own life experiences. I now express my appreciation and love for my Mom with the words, “I love you” every time we speak.
My Mom is 73 years old and has suffered multiple Strokes and a heart attack. Her Spirit and pride is the same as it was when she was 30 years old. She has always been a proud strong woman. Never complained and always accepted life with accountability. I love my Mom because she is the best Mom in the world and because she is what I aspire to be.

What’s so difficult about the word “support”?

What is so difficult about the word “support”? There is no fear in it. There is no negativity in it. Support is unyielding and is done out of grace and respect! When we support each other, our foundation for growth, love, prosperity and trust strengthens. Amazing things happen when we support each other. We not only need each other, but without the comfort of knowing that you have a neighbor, friend, family member or colleague to assist you even occassionally, can be devastating.
I lived in the southern Indiana area a few years ago. I was working in the field calling on customer’s with one of my sales representatives.  We had a great day calling on key customers. It was a very snowy day and we were in western Kentucky, which was about three hours from my home in Indiana.  After our work day was over, the respresentative I was working with, got into her car and I got into mine. She drove off, and I sat in my car and worked on my computer for awhile. The area I was in received about 8 inches of snow the night before. Most of the snow was plowed, but there was black ice underneath the 3 inches of snow that layered through out the parking lot I was parked in.  So, when I finished my computer work and began to shift my car into drive, I drove down what I thought was the parking lot driveway and slid into a more snowfilled muddy area.  I shifted from Drive to Reverse, Drive to Reverse… and tried to rock the car out of the ditch I found myself in. 
I progressively sunk deeper into a mud filled icy snowy hole.  
 
At an instant, I new I was stuck and not going anywhere.  I reached for my cell phone and called the sales respresentive who recently drove off. I called three times and there was no answer. The sad part about this incident was that I was stranded and I didn’t have anyone else to call. I had only lived in the southern Indiana area for a year and a half at this time and was in the process of building relationships, but hadn’t solitified any.  The lessen learned from the emptiness I felt as I scrolled through my contacts, was that I hadn’t bothered to support anyone or embrace friendships, so without anyone to call I was really stranded. That was my wakeup call.  Now I reachout to others and I give support without asking for anything in return. Being able to depend on the friends I have is priceless. They all feel the same way when they think of me.  Support each other!!Image

What doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger…mom said that daily .

My mom use to say, ” What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger”. I truly believe this! If I faltered at the sound of “No” or at the signs of adversity, I wouldn’t be here today. Failure is never final because success is simply waiting. Always keep moving forward so that you can embrace your success!!

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Your Words of Inspiration

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You’re not here to wait and see what happens and it’s not meant for you to leave your future to fate. There are many opportunities that come and go because you waited to see if it would happen instead of making it come to fruition through your own actions. Too often, people are afraid to go after what they want for many reasons and rejection is just one of them. However, you won’t know how to change your game plan if you aren’t rejected. Rejection will strengthen you and help you become wiser if you allow it. Don’t become a product of what already is, be the product. Own your life; don’t let it own you.

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Power Unchecked Results in Isolation…

ImagePower unchecked can lead to a journey of isolation… Working in corporate America has taught me to recognize the difference between working on a goal and having direct reports who are responsible for executing the goal. When leading, it is important to remember that those you are directing should feel comfortable with you as a person. Sometimes we let the power of the Title consume us and forget that the direction we give to others is suppose to help them succeed and elevate them as a person and not make them feel like they are being torn apart. If someone directs you to complete a task and you feel intimated by them, you will focus on the feeling of inadequacy because you are intimated by how they speak or give the direction, instead of listening to the direction.

The end result will be unproductive. While leadership is not a popularity contest, it is also not a hammer. My definition of leading is described in two words, “self govern”. I beleive automony is powerful because that’s the moment when your Team feels like it’s not about money or power, but the inward desire to achieve because it is self fulfilling! I have experienced the isolation when no one wants to listen because I am to harsh or direct. When I explain that I am a vunerable person with the same desires and needs as my direct reports and show this through actions; when it’s time to give direction, my direct reports not only respect me, but they act immediately because they connect with me and understand that I really do have their best interest in mind when I ask them to accept my vision.

tidBits* Autonomy is the moment of no return because “they” feel self governed and self directed and it is then that individual success becomes inevitable even when you are not there!

 

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