Tag Archives: men

#October Survives Abuse on Steroids 

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Domestic Violence awareness month is a time to recognized how problematic abuse is in our society. As domestic violence awareness month comes to an end, we should be enraged daily because this behavior is not going away. Three women are murdered each day due to domestic violence. While it is not gender driven, women are 85% more likely to be victims and 15% of men are victims in the U.S. We feel better if we hide it because there is nothing more shameful than being a wife beater, an abuser or having people ask you, “why did you stay, if it was so bad?” Domestic violence is not a singular incident, it’s a hideous behavior problem deeply rooted in our culture. Violence may grant temporary control, but it ultimately ruins people, families and society. Physical abuse, verbally abuse and everything in between. What happens in our house, stays in our house. Not any more! That’s the good news.

There have been many stories, reports and biopics about domestic violence. The one that sticks with me is the LifeTime Biopic, Surviving Compton, which, highlights R&B Singer and Ruthless Records recording artist, Michel’le Toussaint. The story is about her relationship with Dr. Dre and Suge Knight and how she survived abuse while making her mark as a promising recording star back in the early 1990’s. Her voice was credited for establishing Ruthless Records with a mainstream sound. My first reaction after watching the movie, was shock and gut wrenching intensity. What I saw was abuse on steroids. I will not give a blow by blow analysis, but will comment on a few things. Michel’le’s story evoked a disturbing reality. There was no adult responsibility or direction provided while young people during the 1990’s L.A. NWA environment made decisions about their day-to-day life, but there was structure and guidance with the making of the music and promotion of the new hip hop sound that emerged from this era. So, it was okay to live with a young man at the age of sixteen or have 5 baby momma’s at the age of 18 and fight with no purpose while living with no solid principles as long as you didn’t miss rehearsals or studio time.

The second comment I’d like to share is that the storm inside of us encouraged abused. Men will be men; if he beats you, just try to fix it and do so quickly. These were the comments Michel’le Toussaint heard from the ELDERS while growing up. When I was a teenager I remember my mom and aunt talking about how my aunt ended up in the hospital due to her boyfriends hands in unwanted places. I too, ended up experiencing an abusive relationship. The good news is that I removed myself from that situation and I have had conversations with my daughter about how under any circumstances, abuse is unacceptable! The big elephant in the room is this; Abused people and people who abuse deal with confusion. We must intervene by reporting abuse, being direct in our opinions against abuse and telling our story. God has blessed Michel’le, Dr. Dre and Suge Knight. All are alive and have an opportunity to help others see the repercussions and dysfunction domestic violence causes. Pay attention!!! No matter how difficult it is to raise your head up, you must do so and you must move forward. Click here.

 

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The Greatest Love Of All

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The Greatest Love Of All: God made you just the way you are! It’s important to understand who you are before expecting everyone else to. A big mistake we make is focusing on what other people think before knowing our own strengths and values. Bosses who never respond positively to anything unless a task is done perfectly, need to be taught how to manage others. Boys who grow up with the preception that being tough is a defining factor, often never feel comfortable in their own skin because this teaches them to be disconnected. Girls who recongize and resist controlling behaviors remove constraints in their life. This is a great start. Other peoples perceptions of you have no value, but what you think about yourself is priceless. You will do things to hurt yourself because you think it will make you feel better. It probally does, temporarily. Looking in the mirror is the best therapy because what you see is what you should love. Embracing the beauty within and in front of you as well as taking time to appreciate what you have to offer is often times underestimated. There is a plethora of data that indicates that if we treat ourselves with the same kindness as we do with others, we would live happier and healthier lives. No amount of feel good substances will change what is in the mirror. If you don’t like what you see, you have the power to change it, no mattter what. The greatest love of all is the love you have for yourself. When you appreciate self love, you won’t to attempt to change anyone because your newfound spirit will invite others to share that glow. Abuse me, lose me.

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