Tag Archives: relationships

#October Survives Abuse on Steroids 

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Domestic Violence awareness month is a time to recognized how problematic abuse is in our society. As domestic violence awareness month comes to an end, we should be enraged daily because this behavior is not going away. Three women are murdered each day due to domestic violence. While it is not gender driven, women are 85% more likely to be victims and 15% of men are victims in the U.S. We feel better if we hide it because there is nothing more shameful than being a wife beater, an abuser or having people ask you, “why did you stay, if it was so bad?” Domestic violence is not a singular incident, it’s a hideous behavior problem deeply rooted in our culture. Violence may grant temporary control, but it ultimately ruins people, families and society. Physical abuse, verbally abuse and everything in between. What happens in our house, stays in our house. Not any more! That’s the good news.

There have been many stories, reports and biopics about domestic violence. The one that sticks with me is the LifeTime Biopic, Surviving Compton, which, highlights R&B Singer and Ruthless Records recording artist, Michel’le Toussaint. The story is about her relationship with Dr. Dre and Suge Knight and how she survived abuse while making her mark as a promising recording star back in the early 1990’s. Her voice was credited for establishing Ruthless Records with a mainstream sound. My first reaction after watching the movie, was shock and gut wrenching intensity. What I saw was abuse on steroids. I will not give a blow by blow analysis, but will comment on a few things. Michel’le’s story evoked a disturbing reality. There was no adult responsibility or direction provided while young people during the 1990’s L.A. NWA environment made decisions about their day-to-day life, but there was structure and guidance with the making of the music and promotion of the new hip hop sound that emerged from this era. So, it was okay to live with a young man at the age of sixteen or have 5 baby momma’s at the age of 18 and fight with no purpose while living with no solid principles as long as you didn’t miss rehearsals or studio time.

The second comment I’d like to share is that the storm inside of us encouraged abused. Men will be men; if he beats you, just try to fix it and do so quickly. These were the comments Michel’le Toussaint heard from the ELDERS while growing up. When I was a teenager I remember my mom and aunt talking about how my aunt ended up in the hospital due to her boyfriends hands in unwanted places. I too, ended up experiencing an abusive relationship. The good news is that I removed myself from that situation and I have had conversations with my daughter about how under any circumstances, abuse is unacceptable! The big elephant in the room is this; Abused people and people who abuse deal with confusion. We must intervene by reporting abuse, being direct in our opinions against abuse and telling our story. God has blessed Michel’le, Dr. Dre and Suge Knight. All are alive and have an opportunity to help others see the repercussions and dysfunction domestic violence causes. Pay attention!!! No matter how difficult it is to raise your head up, you must do so and you must move forward. Click here.

 

It will make you mad, and then you will sing with us…Living In the Black, the Stage Play!

 
“It will make you mad, and then you will sing with us…” Living In The Black, the stage play

The stage is a powerful platform. It is the untold truth! A place where live music and real interactions tell a story and create surprise, laughter, sadness, suspense and triumph! It’s so emotional because you will feel the actors pain and rejoice when they triumph. The book, Living In The Black is about the silence of domestic violence. This is a topic no one wants to talk about at the kitchen table. What inspired me to write Living In The Black is the fact that I was a victim and now a survivor, but was embrassed to admit it. As I watched my daughter grow up, I knew I had to be honest. Not admitting it or brushing it under the rug meant acceptance. I didn’t want to create confusion and allow my daughter to think that it was okay. So, my writing experience with Living In The Black was explosive!! Thank you Seraph Books and Alyssa Curry!!! Local actors and muscians will bring the book, Living In The Black to “life” on May 9th at 7pm at the Henderson Fine Arts Center in Henderson, KY. Playwright Stanley Jackson of SJM Productions takes sections of my story and re-creates scenes on stage. He says this play is more dramatic than some of his other stage plays, but that you will go through every emotion! You will think, cry and laugh. Then you will get mad, and sing with us! Can you imagine this on stage? Well, Playwright Stanley Jackson has the magic touch and will allow you to experience his artistry and ministry on May 9 at the Henderson Fine Arts Center!!! Click on this article from the Courier Press to get details!! If you want to read the Book, you can get it here!!!

Human Chattel, We Are Not! Value Our Human Rights.

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History is a potent recollection of our past. It built the backbone of what being an American is all about. Some of our past is painful while many parts are joyous to remember and reflect upon. Time has a way of healing and repairing the fabric of our most tragic events. Time also gives us an opportunity to engage in generational traditions or make changes in an effort to celebrate events we are proud of. We have learned valuable lessons and worked to improve and elevate our state of being because of history. It is recorded in classical novels, written abstracts, movies and other forms of media. There is one part of our history that is disturbing. The many decades when human beings were treated like chattel. Laws supporting human beings of ethnic descent as an equal to cattle or furniture ended 148 years ago. In the aftermath of the Civil War and it’s post war consequences, Civil liberties and rights have embraced our Country and the belief that all men should be respected and given a chance to succeed. In 2014 the fight for civil liberties and human rights is still very evident. I am surprised. We continue to read about young men being shot down in the streets while the shooters go free under our legal system as well as lynchings because of dating out of ones race. We also read about the overt disrespect of man and woman in their own household. Have we not not forgotten that everyone has the right to be respected and to feel safe and protected? Our leaders are responsible for making this a reality. This is why we vote! A leader must work to have extraordinary compassion for those he or she are responsible for because when turmoil is at it’s peak, everyone looks at the leaders, those who are suppose to set the example and sacrifice (at times), their own personal gain to ensure that others are developed and off to a positive path. Click here to learn about your human rights.

Don’t Fight Prayer

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Don’t fight it. When you have been stripped down and feel like the world is crashing directly toward you, this is when you must not forget to prioritize your prayers. The choices we make put us in our predicaments, thus a strip down may be required to redirect us. The power of prayer is more profound than you think. Prayer is free and the conversation you have is guaranteed to be heard and listened to. I probably say the most unorthodox words when I pray, but I always have something to say. I stopped caring about the words and focus on my connection with Him. Here is a key point…pray with faith. That means don’t expect anything in the moment, but pray as if it has already been made evident. If you are a Leader, I think your guidance should come from prayer first and everything else, second. We are all leading in some form or fashion. Others will follow if you have wisdom.

“Without a focal point to guide you, you can easily lose your way. That’s why it is so important to stay in communication with Me, living in thankful awareness of My Presence”. ~Sarah Young. Matthew 6:33; John 8:29; Colossians 3:23-24

If you are still not talking about it…here is why it matters

Male bashing is not my intent. A male should not put his hands on a female in an aggressive manner. If a male wants to control something, it should be his behavior. I understand that these incidents are not planned or anticipated. No one wakes up in the morning and says, “Today is a great day to commit domestic violence.” These things happen at the spur of the moment and those involved are usually in shock or disbelief when it occurs. The reason we don’t talk about is because it’s shameful to all those involved. Physical assault is also against the law when charges are pressed or when they are not. Hiding domestic violence might make sense at the time it occurs, but what you are in fact doing is allowing the cycle to continue.

 

1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence towards them. Gabrielle’s story is surprising but typical. She is a beautiful young aspiring model who was kicked out of a moving car after being beaten by her boyfriend. Click here to read about her story.

 

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Bubble Bath and a Back Rub…

Bubble Bath and a Back Rub…My favorite brand is Juniper, Orange and Methol Stress & Tension Village Naturals foaming bath oil. I use as much as possible so the whirlpool tub overflows with bubbles. The aroma excites me! I test the water before getting in. When I point my big toe in the water and slowly push my foot down to test-touch the steaming hot water, I feel the heat, but pull back. If the water temperature doesn’t feel comfortable and encourage me to submerge without hesitation, I adjust the hot and cold as needed. The rest is about his hands. They have to be strong, smooth and without calluses. The best part is my selflessness and trust in his hands. A good back rub involves good hands, but most importantly enough intensity to increase the blood circulation in the back. This results in less stiffness and more relaxation. The hands determine the pressure, the glide, the warmth and comfort! I love back rubs, don’t you? I often think I need to slow down and relax. A bubble bath and a back rub is the ultimate way to renew! Relaxation is like any other muscle. The more you train it, the more you get!

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What’s so difficult about the word “support”?

What is so difficult about the word “support”? There is no fear in it. There is no negativity in it. Support is unyielding and is done out of grace and respect! When we support each other, our foundation for growth, love, prosperity and trust strengthens. Amazing things happen when we support each other. We not only need each other, but without the comfort of knowing that you have a neighbor, friend, family member or colleague to assist you even occassionally, can be devastating.
I lived in the southern Indiana area a few years ago. I was working in the field calling on customer’s with one of my sales representatives.  We had a great day calling on key customers. It was a very snowy day and we were in western Kentucky, which was about three hours from my home in Indiana.  After our work day was over, the respresentative I was working with, got into her car and I got into mine. She drove off, and I sat in my car and worked on my computer for awhile. The area I was in received about 8 inches of snow the night before. Most of the snow was plowed, but there was black ice underneath the 3 inches of snow that layered through out the parking lot I was parked in.  So, when I finished my computer work and began to shift my car into drive, I drove down what I thought was the parking lot driveway and slid into a more snowfilled muddy area.  I shifted from Drive to Reverse, Drive to Reverse… and tried to rock the car out of the ditch I found myself in. 
I progressively sunk deeper into a mud filled icy snowy hole.  
 
At an instant, I new I was stuck and not going anywhere.  I reached for my cell phone and called the sales respresentive who recently drove off. I called three times and there was no answer. The sad part about this incident was that I was stranded and I didn’t have anyone else to call. I had only lived in the southern Indiana area for a year and a half at this time and was in the process of building relationships, but hadn’t solitified any.  The lessen learned from the emptiness I felt as I scrolled through my contacts, was that I hadn’t bothered to support anyone or embrace friendships, so without anyone to call I was really stranded. That was my wakeup call.  Now I reachout to others and I give support without asking for anything in return. Being able to depend on the friends I have is priceless. They all feel the same way when they think of me.  Support each other!!Image

Destiny is like magic…, all you need is to believe. What you predetermine ends up being your future. This couple never gave up. They saw love, they saw each other, and they pursued Destiny… This poem is dedicated to my lovely sister and my awesome brother-in-law: Belinda and Kenny.

Destiny~
Was pursued in spite of set backs and personal challenges…
It was priority over what others thought, and how they felt after
exhausting work days and giving of others…
Destiny kept the vision of love and passion in the fore front, wile they
embraced it…
It said to them, take my heart, my hand, and add a wedding ring… except
me in my current condition and see my happiness when I am with you…
Destiny said to find peace in God’s plan for your joy… Elope, not to escape,
but to re-present as Mr. and Mrs. White…
Love moves people to do extraordinary things…It’s worth waiting for and can be wild and wonderful…
                                                 ~Brenda Blackmon